Funny Quotes Collection

Are you feeling blue? Sad? Depressed? Frustrated? even bored? And looking for some amusement, something to laugh at, to cheer you up or to kill time, anything to get through to make your day? Well, if so, this is the perfect timing for you to check out and read some funny quotes or most commonly known as jokes that will make you LOL (Laugh Out Loud) or LMAO (Laughing My Ass Off).

Jokes, these are creative and humorous way of thinking, writing and saying things to be funny or to appear funny. Usually it’s intended to mock or make fun of people close to you like family and friends or someone in particular with regards of what they say, what they believe, what they look, or what they do; sometimes it’s to describe something in a funny way; or in some other cases, to narrate events or issues from past, present and in future.

These jokes are intended to be funny but some are below the belt, insulting, and offensive for some people (so be careful when making jokes peeps! Consider the feelings of your listeners and readers, in short, think before you say something). There’s also jokes that are corny and lame but for some reasons because of the way the speaker said or delivered it, it became hilarious and funny. And there’s that jokes that are not intended to be funny but because of how it sounds or how the listeners interpret them, or sometimes it’s either it contradicts or fits exactly in the situation they’re in or talking about, it turns out to be one, and so on and so fort. Anyways, to save you from your boredom, let me end this with a little advice, always read the situation first and think before you make jokes. That’s it! Prepare you jaws! Have fun reading guys! Godbless!

“Kapag si crush nagtanong sa’kin, joke ang isasagot ko.
Para mapikon siya at masabing ‘seryosohin mo nga ako’.”

Ooopps! Sorry not sorry. Nasa diskarte kasi yan. Oh alam niyo na kung ano gagawin nyo kapag may tinanong si crush.

“Yung ako daw yung mundo niya at ikamamatay daw nya
kapag nawala ako sa kanyang buhay.

Pero nakailang palit na sa’kin buhay pa din.
Ano siya? pusa?”

Ganyan naman yang mga yan eh. Magaling lang sa salita pero kulang sa gawa. Puro mga pangako pero palagi namang napapako. Wait, parang ang lalim ng pinaghugutan nun XD HAHAHA

“I’m a victim of
‘Ano sa’yo pogi?, ‘Saan ka pogi?’, ‘Ano hanap mo pogi?
Tas pag babae naman ‘ganda’.”

Sila manong driver at Aling tindera ang pasimuno nito eh. Pero at least buti pa sila naaappreciate yung angking kagwapuhan/kagandahan ko. Pero siya kailan kaya? HAHAHA

“Buti pa yung usernames taken na.
Ako kaya kelan?”

Ehe! Sana naman All HAHAHA.
Huwag kang mainggit sa mga may jowa na dahil may tamang panahon at oras para dun. Dadating dadating din yung para sa iyo at the right time. Be patient lang. Fighting!

“The most terrifying Horror Story:
“Kulang ng piso yung pamasahe mo.”

Ba’t ganun? Super relate ako dito well lahat naman tayo for sure. HAHAHAHA
Tama nga yung sinasabi nila na tsaka lang natin makikita ang halaga ng Piso kapag nagkulang ang pamasahe natin. Take note of this mga bessy. Hindi yung mangungutang kayo sa classmate niyo tapos di nyo naman babayaran. HAHAHA

“Eh yung mas mabilis pang umusad
yung traffic sa EDSA kesa sa relasyon niyo.”

Okay lang yan. Huwag ninyong madaliin ang isa’t isa. Yung iba mabilis nga ang usad pero mabilis ding naghiwalay at tumigil kasi madaling nagkasawaan. Di bale nang mabagal ang progress at least meron. And it will give you plenty of time to really know more of each other’s personalities, likes and dislikes etc. that will help both of you to keep your relationship strong and alive.

“Kapag dumating yung Halloween,
COMMITMENT yung susuotin kong costume.
Tutal dun ka naman takot na takot di ba?”
“Best Dieting Tips:
Palaging mag-jogging…
Palayo sa Kusina.”
“That Thing Called Hilata.
Walang Magawa, Walang Mapuntahan, Walang Pera,
Walang Panggala, Wala Pang Kasama.”
Walang taong pinanganak na panget,
nakadepende lang talaga sa katabi.”
“Two types of Maganda:
Maganda Sa Malayo
Malayong Gumanda “
“Yung baby fats ko, teenager na ngayon.”
“Kapag hindi mo siya makuha, manggulo ka na nalang. Just kidding!
Bad yun! hahaha”
“Kahit anong delete at tago ang gawin mo sa mga lumang picture mo na muka kang drug addict, palaging nandiyan pa rin yung mga bwisit mong kaibigan na pilit ito-throwback ang dilim ng iyong nakaraan.”
“PERALYZED
walang pera at hindi makagala kaya tamang hilata nalang sa bahay.”
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